Anger, the anti Happy

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

 

Is it just me or does a good portion of the world just seem Angry ? Being a person that enjoys both being happy and bringing happiness to others it is distressing to me to witness so much anger in the world , it literally makes me want to hug anybody that even remotely looks like they might need it (wouldn’t that be something !).

Anger is , at least in my mind a primitive, un-evolved (not a word but whatever) emotion, what I mean by that is simply that anger is a default emotion that masks other emotions. Many emotions can feel like anger or even lead to anger, acknowledging and understanding ones feelings before it manifests itself not only can avoid anger but can actually promote happiness ! Loss, disappointment, change, fear, insecurity, and of course many other situations/emotions can present themselves as anger, the trick is to acknowledge these emotions for what they really are before you jump to anger. For instance let’s say you lose something or someone important to you, it would be very easy to jump straight to anger, anger is easy (at least initially) and requires little to no thought.  We can all relate to a toddler having a severe melt down, it’s a very common sight, as we grow older our maturity level changes and we learn that isn’t a proper way to express feelings effectively, here is the kicker though, when we let any emotion take us straight to anger we are in essence devolving back to that toddler that is so upset they can’t effectively process their emotions !

Photo by Ryan Franco on Unsplash

I wonder why the toddlers actions/reactions are so easy to see for what they really are but it seems so foreign in the adult world ? Perhaps some adults never learned to process emotions ? Perhaps society has become so self obsessed that they are either “Happy” or “Angry” with little regard to what lies underneath both with regards to emotion.  In any case I think it’s important to let ourselves experience emotions in both directions but have the ability to examine them for what they really are, grief for instance isn’t anger, disappointment isn’t anger, loss isn’t anger, fear isn’t anger, change isn’t anger, insecurity isn’t anger, the emotions or situations that can feel like anger are almost limitless ! Our reactions , our perspectives, and our personal level of self awareness are keys to keep almost any emotion/situation from devolving to anger.   Perhaps, in some cases anger is the appropriate reaction but even then I think limiting our time as much as possible in an angry state is advisable. I’ve never been in a situation where anything got better because of anger , in fact I believe anger is likely the most self destructive emotion one can have, not a winning move and does little to express what is really going on (think back to the toddler melt down).

Photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash

As people who enjoy being Happy and sharing that Happiness (and I assume you are if you read my blog) what can we do to help folks that seem so angry ?  Just like the toddler, an adult in the middle of a meltdown isn’t likely to be consoled by anything you might want to say, the communication at this point is a one way street, as long as what is being said isn’t violent or emotionally abusive the very best way to bring down the anger is to listen, just listen , nobody is open to feedback or your ideas at this point, in most cases they simply want to feel like they are heard.  The best way to spread happiness and prevent anger from occurring in the first place is ironically the same strategy, talk to people and listen, I mean really listen. it’s totally acceptable to not have any answers and in fact one of the most effective strategies I have found is to simply say ” I wish I had an answer for your problem” what this does is validate and create a sense of connection for people going through emotions/situations, somebody cares is the take away.  Nothing promotes or shares Happiness in the same way a sense of Empathy can when people are dealing with difficult emotions..

Photo by Alok Shenoy on Unsplash

Anger in my opinion is a lot like weeds in a garden, catch it in the early stages and the spread is more easily contained , let the weeds get out of control and the likelihood of containing them becomes an almost impossible task..   Anger is our brains weeds, no care, no planning , no love, no maintenance required, grows almost anywhere and out of almost anything.

 

Find your Happiness , Share your Happiness !

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