The title of this entry “Happiness and emotional abuse – Jelly Beans and Sauerkraut” is a play on things that never go together (just in case anybody wondered). My apologies to anybody that thinks Jelly Beans and Sauerkraut might go good together 🙂 .
I’ve put together this list (you guys seem to like lists) of types of emotional abusers that use thinly veiled tactics to ding your Happiness ! These are a few examples of how Emotional abuse can steal happiness,certainly the list could be much longer! Emotional abuse is largely about domination ,to make the abuser feel like they are in control, in some way better than you and for sure to make you feel below them. You are neither above nor below anybody, thinking in this way opens the door for abuse!
1. The Guilter: I actually thought I was being clever using the term Guilter but turns out somebody else already coined the term ! Guilter is defined as “One who motivates another with guilt”, the word feels dirty and underhanded to me ! I think everybody can agree that both being a Guilter and being the victim of a Guilter will not bring happiness. A Guilter will commonly replay a situation in a way that is untrue or inaccurate to invoke guilt, they can be very convincing, they truly appear to believe what they are saying, perhaps they even do! Guilting will not work on a person who is in touch with themselves and maintains self-esteem , if you find yourself falling into the false guilt trap then working on your self-esteem is something that will benefit you greatly!
The Guilter is just one step shy of the emotional abuse known as gas lighting , gas lighting is a very difficult concept to explain but in basic terms it is a very effective form of brain washing that basically convinces the victim they are crazy, challenging what they see and what they believe ! Based on this the Guilter is likely somebody you don’t want in your life and will definitely not be a source of happiness !
2. Bubble Blowers: I was in my 30’s before I actually understood that some people just talk to be talking , it means nothing ! To these people, plans , even promises mean nothing , merely bubbles cast out into the world that will soon pop! Inaction is their action, seldom do Bubble Blowers follow through on their commitments, they know their lack of action bothers others, it literally means nothing to them. This is emotional abuse because it has a controlling factor through inaction , completely throws the abused off-balance and challenges reality. This is a little beyond that wishy-washy friend you might have that has commitment issues, certainly irritating but not purposeful. Bubble Blowers are lost souls who have no sense of purpose, no dreams of their own and would like to at least distract you from your purpose and dreams through their lack of action. Maybe this bothers you, maybe it doesn’t , in either case the Bubble Blower will not be a source of happiness!
3. Selective Amnesiac: Closely related to the Guilter , the Selective Amnesiac simply omits parts of situations or events that serve whatever self-centered purpose that benefits them, regardless of how this omission affects others. Not liars exactly , just omission experts of inconvenient truths. This is emotional abuse because it seeks to control situations by attempting to change perceptions ! They aren’t lying , they just aren’t telling the complete truth ! Not surprisingly the selective Amnesiac will bring you no happiness
4. Ambushers: It takes a really unhappy, unbalanced person to pull this scenario off. During a completely normal (neutral) conversation the Ambusher will suddenly hurl, insults or heated accusations into the conversation! What this does is instantly throws you off-balance and puts you in defense mode , the Ambusher knows your off your game and can use this advantage to expedite a poor response or decision. The victims first response will be to stop the barrage by any means necessary! I’ve actually seen this technique used and backfire immensely in a workplace setting, in order for this technique to work there has to be some insecurity or self-esteem issue with the victim , absent of this the Ambusher just looks like what they are, a thinly cloaked bully ! This is emotional abuse , pure and simple! Keep your actions pure and your self-esteem high and this one can be squashed real quick like! The ambusher, regardless of outcome will bring no happiness.
Emotional abuse is an attempt to obtain control over you by taking some portion of your happiness, but it doesn’t have to! When you encounter emotional abusers express in an uncompromising manner your unwillingness to be treated in this way, you might be surprised just how effective this is ! If emotional abuse continues in the realm of “friends” feel completely free to eliminate them for your lives, we are not obligated to keep anybody in our lives that is not good for us ! Keeping insecurities in check and developing strong self-esteem will go a long way in protecting you from emotional abuse! Emotional abuse often can and will evolve into physical abuse if left to fester! Don’t allow it!
Happiness takes work , maintaining our happiness takes vigilance !
Find your happiness , share your happiness , guard your happiness !
Keep that emotional abuse and the Sauerkraut where it belongs , far , far away from your Happiness and your Jelly Beans 🙂